yet another day of memories...
Didn't expect things to affect me so much more
I can see now that alot of what I do in my whole life so far has been driven by money
And that experience of dad being in a huge amount of debt affected me more than I thought it did
Yes, I didn't get to go on my exchange
Had some regrets on that
But beyond that,
I made the meaning of the event to be that
I must never be caught in a situation that I am not prepared for and that
I need to do more to provide for my family so that they will not be in want
As a result, I always want control
And I am very uncomfortable with uncertainty.
I am happy when I can provide for my family and
I get upset when their spending habits remind me that I cannot fully 100% provide for them
God has been great to me
He gave me access to tools to help me discover this
And in so doing, get clarity on why I do what I do
I know in part now that I wanted to do this debt management program back then
As a result of the debt situation I experienced at home
But now I am ever more sure that this is what I want to do for the future
I choose to do it
Not so because then I can change my past
I can't change it.
But with this I can contribute to others
So that people's futures will never just be a factor of the past.
For myself, I see that I will never ever be 100% prepared for all situations
And that it's alright to be unprepared.
That's what makes surprises wonderful
I anticipate being surprised now =)
No more what-ifs of bad things happening..
if they do, they do
And I will deal with them as they come
No need to be prepared for everything,
Just ride it out
And while it's good to provide for my family
I cannot force them to change their spending habits to what I can give
I give what I can give
And I don't have to feel guilty about that not being enough for them.
That doesn't make me a bad daughter.
What I give is still a symbol of my love
And is worthy
I literally feel like I am emptied to be filled again. Can't wait to see what happens next.
2/01/2013 10:14:00 PM
Dreams
To be out and open
Independence
To be totally Christ-like
I believe that:
Courage is not an absence of fear
but the willingness to face up to the circumstances in spite of the fear.
Desires
A Pair of Pretty Sandals!
CPA! Achieved!
Investment Guru
dislikes
creepy crawly "things"
Unnecessary politics
Goals
get driving license
start my own business
to create my own hedge fund
older memories
my past journey