Friday, August 24, 2012
Reflections 23 Aug 2012
I have been told my character is too strong
That I don't receive support easily,
Or as easily as I give.
There's truth to that.
Putting forward my strong front
Is a self-protection mechanism
I don't feel comfortable receiving
I don't want to owe anyone anything
but i am alright giving you something
What led me to this?
Maybe it's my family background
And on reflection
I realise I tend to manage my relationships
with all people these way.
I am only comfortable taking from people
Who I consider are within my inner circle
And maybe this is how I define my boundary
I only receive from you if I trust you
If i trust you enough not to hurt me
The creation of expectations from the taking from you
Is that healthy?
Can that be avoided?
How does this work into authentic living then?
yet another day of memories...
8/24/2012 02:40:00 AM
Monday, August 13, 2012
True-Up Settlement
In commercial transactions, we call the final settlement a true-up
In relationships especially like the long one I had with J,
we also needed a true-up
Managed to settle 1 thing,
there are a couple more to go
Not easy especially where feelings are involved
but the true-up must still go on
And things have to be done
Only then can the relationship be finally put to rest on the financial side of things
For the physical stuff, I just cleared my wallet
Not sure if it's the cynical side of me acting up
Or perhaps it's that I have internalized the fact that it's over
There was not much emotions removing the items relating to "us"
Except 1
"a family photo of the 2 of us and our 2 soft toys"
That made me sad
Sad for the demise of something good
something beautiful
I guess probably this would be the only 1 physical thing I will retain
yet another day of memories...
8/13/2012 02:19:00 AM
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Let me talk to you God
When I am feeling low
Let me be reminded of your presence
When I am feeling lonely
Let me remember not to compromise for the wrong reasons
When I am feeling sad
Let me lean on you and remember the hope I have in you
When I am looking for someone to talk to,
Let me go into prayer
God be my strength my companion my comfort
yet another day of memories...
8/02/2012 07:13:00 PM