yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
Must say it really brightened up my day
Was my senior from SMU
Who left for Aussie to be with her gf
Thought we lost contact cuz rarely see her on MSN
And she is too busy to update her blog.
Still surprises never cease,
It was good catching up;
Though it took me a moment to realize who it was on the other line
Feels good to know that there are ppl out there
Looking out for me
Caring for me
That despite their busy lives,
they are concerned enough to check on me.
Thanks alot gal,
You have no idea how timely ur call is
As a reminder of that.
Din sleep well last night
Sister came home late
And started arguing with my mother
So there was this big hoo-ha
Cos basically mom was supposed to recuperate
And not supposed to be agitated
But sister being her typical personality
Had to be honest
And just voiced out all her opinions
Without giving in
So making Mom shout even louder
I tried staying out of it
Having been questioned by my mom earlier if I can not move out
(She asked me that after a mini-confrontation over the phone with sis)
Side track: I personally think my mom just needs to feel that she has control
Control over my sister and me
Which she tries to get over me
When she fails with my sister
Hence the moving out question.
I basically avoided it
I planned to move out (so I din want to lie and say no)
I merely said I need to sleep and let's talk abt it again
So coming back to the sister,
I thought I could pretend to ignore
And to go back to sleep
(no way am i getting involved & getting blamed in the process for my "part"
in agitating my mom just cuz i din say i wun move out)
But guess what,
I have no freaking whatsoever idea how
My sister just pulled my name in
Basically she just started shouting
"ask your daughter to come la; see you lydat she also never come out"
^^&*%%^&*%$^%
Have you ever felt like a innocent party being caught in the cross-fire?
I felt that way
Funny how the moving out issue never was an issue
It was never brought up until the hoo-ha with my sister
And then i suddenly became a daughter that fails
Nice
I feel a lot of anguish within me;
Even though it was last night
And it's now morning.
And now my dad called
So basically no one is free to bring my mom for check-up
Leaving me to do it
Which is okay.
And I will continue another time.
4/28/2008 12:59:00 PM
Something that I can't seem to shake off
Or to even verbalize it so that I can share
I dunno how to give voice to it
But i am certainly sick of it.
I wish I could open up to you
I wish I had you to open up to.
But we each have our own burdens & worries
And there are times when we just go overload
And I have the sense not to overload you further.
A lift that is overloaded will not operate
A person that is overloaded?
Think similarly, we will not be able to function
And as a human who cannot be isolated,
we will be unable to reach out
and vice-verse allow ppl to reach out to us.
4/24/2008 01:54:00 AM
And found this prayer that I really like.
So I edited the template of this blog slightly
In order to have it included.
It wasn't easy,
Especially for me who is bad in html.
And when tidying up today,
The quote that I normally put on the blog front
Kinda hit me.
"Courage is not an absence of fear;
But the willingness to face up to the circumstances despite the fear"
I guess this is relevant to me now.
Juls ask me if I am honestly okay;
Or I am scared.
Honestly, I would say that I don't know if I fear
But I know that instinctively I cannot afford to fear
Simply cuz fear is paralyzing
But is it really true?
Guess not.
Perhaps it's okay to fear.
Having to sum up courage to cope with what happened,
doesn't imply that fear doesn't exist;
But rather that I have the strength to face up to it.
No matter what happens.
The ultrasound showed that I have 4 lumps
2 on each side
2 (1 on each side)seems to be cystic in nature,
And the size doesn't warrant any attention for now.
Doctor says to just observe,
And to do an ultrasound every six months.
Honestly, is this the best alternative?
I don't know. But Doctor says..
So who am I to know better?
Maybe, it's instances like this that I feel inadequate.
That my knowledge seems to be lacking.
The other two,
Nature indeterminate.
How that word seems to offer hope,
But yet seems so intimidating at the same time.
Guess I just never deal well with uncertainty.
Need to learn to bid my time
Have to go for biopsy tomorrow
No idea how that will work out
Will only know next week.
Yupz, another week of waiting
And bidding my time.
I got to learn
4/10/2008 01:03:00 AM
If we are to be real ministers of God's love,
we would seek out a need and meet it;
we would seek out a hurt and heal it;
we would restore dignity to the down-trodden.
That's what real love in action is about.
~~~~~~~~~~~
On Death
Say not in grief that he is no more
but say in thankfulness that he was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.
- Tagore
4/04/2008 01:52:00 AM
Dreams
To be out and open
Independence
To be totally Christ-like
I believe that:
Courage is not an absence of fear
but the willingness to face up to the circumstances in spite of the fear.
Desires
A Pair of Pretty Sandals!
CPA! Achieved!
Investment Guru
dislikes
creepy crawly "things"
Unnecessary politics
Goals
get driving license
start my own business
to create my own hedge fund
older memories
my past journey