Sunday, March 23, 2008
I feel..
I feel resentful
When people expect things of me
Without asking/thinking of my wellbeing
It's not that I don't want to help
But really, sometimes I have my plate full
Overflowing
And I JUST CANNOT COPE
Seriously, why can't you just ask
but just order me around
making it sound like a request?
Playing on my conscience & my sense of responsibility
Expecting me to just agree?
I feel guilty
When I know I should do what is asked of me
Without any resenthood but I do
In fillal piety, there should be servanthood
And it should be done willingly.
Yet I tire, and I also can't manage
That's why I have to say no sometimes too
Yet I feel your blame, and feel a sense of failure
Why me? Why always me?
I am sorry I just can't do everything you want me to
I feel tired
I can see the bottom of my emotional tank
And my energy is running out
I look at what's ahead of me each week
and I wonder how am i to survive through it
I feel helpless
There seems to be no way I can refuel
And no way I can help improve the situation
There's no way out, but just living life out as it comes
Or is that possible?
I feel alone
I don't know how to communicate what I feel to others
And I don't know how it will help
I don't seem to have the energy to share,
To even deal with their concern, care and comments
It just seems easier to be in solitude
I feel a sense of gloom
Trying hard to cling to God
but it's like holding out in the dark
God seems to be unfound
I know He's here
but I can't seem to feel him
How do I cope?
yet another day of memories...
3/23/2008 08:47:00 PM
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Updates on Mom
Haven been updating
Cuz the last 2 weeks were just plain crazy..
Shuttling between work, tuition, school, church,home and hospital
I kinda din really have time to think,
Let alone blog.
Guess was pretty much on auto-pilot
Until Friday..
when i kinda snapped..
Just kept crying and crying;
Was tired and still trying to juggle everything
But with the pounding headache
And the straining neckache,
Guess I just cracked.
Thankfully, Mom's recovery has been nothing short of amazing.
It's better than expected;
Though sometimes I worry
Cuz it just feels like she is being too gungho
But oh well =)
Anyway, good news is that Doctor has finally given the go-ahead
Literally just said that she is going home today.
So I am going right to the hospital after class;
Then we can all go home as a family
Woohoo.. =)
So I just wanna say thanks
To everyone who has been here for me.
Will do the credits another time..
Class ending.
Thanks guys & girls!
yet another day of memories...
3/12/2008 02:32:00 PM