yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
When people expect things of me
Without asking/thinking of my wellbeing
It's not that I don't want to help
But really, sometimes I have my plate full
Overflowing
And I JUST CANNOT COPE
Seriously, why can't you just ask
but just order me around
making it sound like a request?
Playing on my conscience & my sense of responsibility
Expecting me to just agree?
I feel guilty
When I know I should do what is asked of me
Without any resenthood but I do
In fillal piety, there should be servanthood
And it should be done willingly.
Yet I tire, and I also can't manage
That's why I have to say no sometimes too
Yet I feel your blame, and feel a sense of failure
Why me? Why always me?
I am sorry I just can't do everything you want me to
I feel tired
I can see the bottom of my emotional tank
And my energy is running out
I look at what's ahead of me each week
and I wonder how am i to survive through it
I feel helpless
There seems to be no way I can refuel
And no way I can help improve the situation
There's no way out, but just living life out as it comes
Or is that possible?
I feel alone
I don't know how to communicate what I feel to others
And I don't know how it will help
I don't seem to have the energy to share,
To even deal with their concern, care and comments
It just seems easier to be in solitude
I feel a sense of gloom
Trying hard to cling to God
but it's like holding out in the dark
God seems to be unfound
I know He's here
but I can't seem to feel him
How do I cope?
3/23/2008 08:47:00 PM
Cuz the last 2 weeks were just plain crazy..
Shuttling between work, tuition, school, church,home and hospital
I kinda din really have time to think,
Let alone blog.
Guess was pretty much on auto-pilot
Until Friday..
when i kinda snapped..
Just kept crying and crying;
Was tired and still trying to juggle everything
But with the pounding headache
And the straining neckache,
Guess I just cracked.
Thankfully, Mom's recovery has been nothing short of amazing.
It's better than expected;
Though sometimes I worry
Cuz it just feels like she is being too gungho
But oh well =)
Anyway, good news is that Doctor has finally given the go-ahead
Literally just said that she is going home today.
So I am going right to the hospital after class;
Then we can all go home as a family
Woohoo.. =)
So I just wanna say thanks
To everyone who has been here for me.
Will do the credits another time..
Class ending.
Thanks guys & girls!
3/12/2008 02:32:00 PM
Dreams
To be out and open
Independence
To be totally Christ-like
I believe that:
Courage is not an absence of fear
but the willingness to face up to the circumstances in spite of the fear.
Desires
A Pair of Pretty Sandals!
CPA! Achieved!
Investment Guru
dislikes
creepy crawly "things"
Unnecessary politics
Goals
get driving license
start my own business
to create my own hedge fund
older memories
my past journey