Thursday, March 30, 2006
Voices that care
As we all embark on our preparation for exams;
It's inevitable that we will feel tired, lonely or even depressed.
Just thought I would share this.
No one is alone.
Dedicated to you all, my yearmates!
Especially Cat, Tie & Huijun
We are all here no matter what~
-------------------------------------------------
Lonely fear lights up the sky
Can't help but wonder why
You're so far away
There, you had to take a stand
In someone else's land
Life can be so strange
I wish we never had to choose
To either win or lose
We could find a way
But i won't turn my back again
You're only around the bend
So hurry home till then...till then
Chorus:
Stand tall, stand tall
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns brightHurry home
I'm not here to justify the cause
Or to count up all the loss
That's all been done before
Just can't let ya feel alone
When there's so much love at home
We send it out to you
(michaels' solo)
All the courage that you've known
The bravery you've shown
Clearly lights the way
We pray, to make the future bright
To make the wrong things right
Right or wrong
We're all prayin' you remain strong
That's why we're all here and singin' along
Chorus:
(michaels' solo) voices that care are cryin' out loud, yeah
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright
You are the voice, you are the light
yet another day of memories...
3/30/2006 06:51:00 PM
Friday, March 24, 2006
Faith in times of need
I saw this on Sayoni,
A reminder & source of support
In times of need.
Some of us are going through bad times;
Some of us get tired along the way.
May this comfort and hold you through.
Thanks everyone,
Who have supported me and cared for me.
I am not alone, I know;
And neither are you.-----------------------------------------------------------------
I made you, I created you." (Psalm 119:73)
"I will bring you unfailing love and comfort, just as I promised." (Psalm 119:76)
"I will watch over you. I will not sleep." (Psalm 121:3)
"You are my gift to the world." (Psalm 127:3)
"I don't keep a record of your sins." (Psalm 130:3)
"I will work out MY plans for your life. I will not abandon you, for I made you." (Psalm 138: 8)
"I have examined your heart and I know everything about you." (Psalm 139:1)
"I made every part of you. I knew you before you were born." (Psalm 139:13)
"I made you wonderful." (Psalm 139:14)
"I know the plans I have for you. I have plans for you to prosper and not to bring you harm. I have plans to give you hope and a future. You will call on Me and come and pray to Me. I will listen to you. When you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
(Note: Old testament, you have to seek God. New testament, God dwells in you. )
Psalm 138:8,
"The Lord will work out his plans for my life---for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me." (NLT)Love,
Jesus
yet another day of memories...
3/24/2006 04:25:00 AM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I am a lesbian, so can you accept me?
Contrary to what so many of u think,
I did not come out to my parents prior to my last post.
I did it on Sunday,
And ever since then,
Not a day passes that I have no tears on my face.
I am sick of defending myself
I am tired of standing for my own beliefs.
Neither do I want to conform
Be what you want me to be,
And just give up on who i really am.
It's not my friends that have led me onto this path;
It's not the schools that I go to that moulded me this way.
I know you think that just because of what I am,
My own education is ruined;
All the achievements I got before
All to naught.
Am i still your daughter?
I don't feel so.
All i get reminded of at home is that
I am not obedient;
I am hurting you all.
I just don't listen.
Any idea that i cry because of what you say?
Any idea that i am hurting so badly inside too?
No one does.
I feel so alone
yet another day of memories...
3/22/2006 04:17:00 AM
Sunday, March 19, 2006
When you can't go down, the only way is up.
A few hours ago,
I had no idea where to go.
Somehow, the tree in excel just doesnt wanna work.
And I was literally stuck stuck.
Unable to progress.
What do u do when u hit a wall?
Of cos after continuous banging,
You find that your head hurts,
And that you should think of some other way.
This is where you find project mates very useful =]
Checking answers bring me security.
And then like the dory fish in Nemo,
I just keep working, just keep working.
And voila! I am feeling better now.
Am finally done with all my powerpoints, excels
All that I can do,
I have done.
Just pray that this madness ll end soon.
Oh, and I finally think i know what cured the headache.
Food =]
-----------------------------
On another hand,
I found another source of stress,
and potential head & heart aches.
-My Mom-She seems to always have something to pick on me for.
For my "potential abnormal" sexual preference
She is in self denialFor my wanting to go to church
She is rather anti ChristianFor my doing my work, and not hers as first priority
I really don't see why i should
When she is the one who agreed to help others
Without asking me first.
And i am the one whom she has spoken on behalf of
Sigh.. i love my mom
But why can't she just accept me as who I am?
Let me explore as I want to?
yet another day of memories...
3/19/2006 05:03:00 AM
Freaked Out
It's taking every ounce of me,
To control myself
And not have an anxiety attack.
I know I have lots of work to do;
And i am super de-motivated.
How then to trouble shoot?
Head is aching;
Shoulders tense.
And my productivity rate is super low.
How how how???
yet another day of memories...
3/19/2006 02:54:00 AM
Monday, March 13, 2006
Offloading
Okay.. have been supposed to be studying;
but again, i am being distracted to do other things.
Managed to resist penning down all this til now;
Just before i am headed for bed.
Kinda brain-lag already
So think i should continue studying tml.
Revision schedule is out;
I am proud to say =]
Just pray that I ll stick to it.
Looking at the amount of work I have to do,
On top of my revision;
I should probably just not appear outside at all,
unless necessary.
*yea, i think that is it.
Thankfully, i had a good weekend,
And i shall attempt to put them down in concrete memories.
Lest my brain fails me again
Open House- SMU.NTU.NUSShowed Elsa & friends around.
I am proud to say, "I really love SMU!"
There's nothing ugly to hate.
True, we may be corporate-sy;
There is little greenery,
And living expenses are so much higher,
But if you ask me,
the culture, experiences that I have here,
Nothing can beat it.
I have learnt and gained so much.
Gotten & grown.
Given a choice again,
I will not go elsewhere but here.
*note: I know that there are nus/ntu readers here.
This is in no way meant to "offend"
Just sharing my own feelings.Din go to NUS Open House.
But I went to that of NTU.
Nice big area they have there;
I like their tunnel-feeling sheltered walkway
But somehow, just can't imagine having my uni education there.
Yepz..
Service todayMy second time going back to church;
Still feeling good about the experience.
I like what I am doing.
At least here, I don't feel like i'm living a lie;
Nor do i feel the pressure to conform.
Talked to some gay men today.
It's quite a different thing
Talking to them and lesbian women.
Guess i still have some "getting used to it" to do
Coming outI came out to yet another person today!
Guess somehow, part of me just wants to be free totally;
And i am just weighing that more importantly
than how others will react.
So yea.. if anyone asks me from now on if I have a boyfriend,
I will probably come out to them.
Probably because if it is my relative or something,
I don't think i am ready to be so up front about it.
*Though the shock on their faces might be something that i ll look forward to =]
Anyway.. guess what the person said today?
He is this guy that I like working with.
Very hardworking and studious type.
He said that I had the "lesbian" look.
Good.. first one to say that;
Plus I din know that lesbians had a lookThen he said that I was the male side
Sorry.. i ain butch
I love wearing skirts
& I embrace my feminine sideYa. am just rattling so everything seems so lengthy
Not going to read through,
So hope everything looks fine.
yet another day of memories...
3/13/2006 03:28:00 AM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
-A Meaningful Prayer-
Father, I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now.
I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment.
Where there is
pain,
give them Your peace and mercy.
Where there is
self doubting,
release a renewed confidence to work through them.
Where there is
tiredness or exhaustion,
I ask You to give them understanding, guidance, and strength
as they learn submission to Your leading.
Where there is
spiritual stagnation,
I ask You to renew them by revealing Your nearness,
and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You.
Where there is
fear, reveal Your love,
and release to them Your courage.
Where there is a sin blocking them, reveal it,
and break its hold over the lives of my friends.
Bless their finances, give them greater vision,
and raise up leaders and friends to support and encourage them.
Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them,
and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it.
I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name.
Amen
yet another day of memories...
3/12/2006 03:48:00 AM
Friday, March 03, 2006
Tired
I have never felt so tired before
I have never wanted to hide so badly
Sleep is like a source of solace
In sleep, i become oblivious to al that is around me
Crying;
I do not ease the pain within
Hurting;
I so want everything to go away.
I don't know how i should proceed from here.
yet another day of memories...
3/03/2006 07:06:00 PM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Knowing me as me
Some rambly food for thought I had today.
Guess I just needed to catch all of them down
Put them in print
As they come one by one.
Orca said: "Your partner needs to understand
who you are as a person,
and she needs to accept you as who you are,
and not how they want u to be..."Which of you understands me truly?
My flaws and strengths
Then embrace me totally as who i am?
And by acceptance;
I quote the dictionary
"a disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations"Can you tolerate who I am?
How do I know that you can?
And by tolerance,
I mean "To recognize and respect"
My yearmates have been wonderful in this aspect.
We love each other for who we are;
We know each other's faults
And we just accept it as they are.
Sure, we talk about them;
But we never expect them to change
*honest*
Afterall, if they did,
They would not be them.
We just take each other as we change in life
And we just adapt
And i guess this is my answer to a big mystery of mine this few days
"If you love me, then why are you accepting me as I am?"
I have dissected the question;
And came up with my own answer.
At peace now.
My next moment of ponder;
Comes from this
"When in love, should I have expectations of the other person?"
yet another day of memories...
3/01/2006 07:26:00 PM