Yet Another Part of Life's Journey

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Coming Home Commited

Today, we talked about loving ourselves.
Relevant concepts like self acceptance and self worth came up.
I guess I realized then that
despite how my perspective was not that narrow;
it was not that wide either.

On my way home, I thought about how my self worth was defined.
Is it based on what my roles in people’s lives are and how well I fulfilled them?

We did a mini activity;
in which you were supposed to write positive things
about the person whose name is on that particular sheet.
Turns out that somehow, the worth of who I am,
in others’ eyes could be said that
I did fulfill my role as an SMU student.

I spoke out when I believe I should,
typical of my school’s students.
As a student, I have “succeeded”.

As a friend then, I wonder what my role in your life is.
What is it that you want me to do as your friend?
What do you expect of me?
Have I fulfilled them well?
Is my worth as a friend high?

I guess by the same token, I wonder what my role as a Christian is?
And whom then should I turn to for my expectations guideline?
Since the relationship then is with God,
I guess it only makes sense that I turn to Him.

It is then I realize something.
Is my self worth based on what others think, or what I feel?

And then I think, in a relationship with other people,
undoubtedly what we do in it is related
to what we perceive the other’s expectations are.
Is this sound?
Are we being too giving?
Do we ultimately do what we want to do,
or what we think is required of us?

As for our relationship with God, someone brought up this point that
it is not a parallel between that and our relationship with other humans.
I think that is a good point.
The rational me tried to reason this out and
I realize I am comfortable with agreeing with that.

With another human, we both have expectations of each other
and we are not afraid to let the other know when they fall short of what we want. We also fear being on the receiving end of that,
when we know we have fallen short of what others expect from us,
of what we should be capable of.

With God, yes no doubt he has a plan for me.
We do have expectations of each other.
However, I believe too that it is true that
God knows me better than I do myself,
and that whatever He believes that I can do,
I am able to.

I might not be able to see that now,
but I believe in his foresight.
And when I fall short of what He wants from me now,
I know that I do not have to feel lousy and bad.
I do not have to feel guilty, or should I?
I think I had been taking Him for granted for a long time.
Maybe its really time that I try to start
to start giving in this relationship,
instead of just taking and taking when I need.

I wanna go home for good this time

yet another day of memories...
2/25/2006 02:17:00 AM

An Instrument of Peace
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant me that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

(Attributed to St Francis of Assisi )