yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
yet another day of memories...
Is being highly distracted again.
By what, I have exactly no idea.
Just cant sit down and focus.
Sigh, I was aiming to finish my Jap
And 2 reflection papers today.
But unless I stop touching my laptop,
And go focus on what I have to do.
It is highly likely that I will mis-aim.
I am seriously considering putting needles on my keyboard..
90 degrees perpendicular to the keyboard. =]
Boy.. that should help.
Okay.. I shall try to go back to studying.
Just needed to ramble..
And a massage =[
2/28/2006 05:54:00 PM
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Relevant concepts like self acceptance and self worth came up.
I guess I realized then that
despite how my perspective was not that narrow;
it was not that wide either.
On my way home, I thought about how my self worth was defined.
Is it based on what my roles in people’s lives are and how well I fulfilled them?
We did a mini activity;
in which you were supposed to write positive things
about the person whose name is on that particular sheet.
Turns out that somehow, the worth of who I am,
in others’ eyes could be said that
I did fulfill my role as an SMU student.
I spoke out when I believe I should,
typical of my school’s students.
As a student, I have “succeeded”.
As a friend then, I wonder what my role in your life is.
What is it that you want me to do as your friend?
What do you expect of me?
Have I fulfilled them well?
Is my worth as a friend high?
I guess by the same token, I wonder what my role as a Christian is?
And whom then should I turn to for my expectations guideline?
Since the relationship then is with God,
I guess it only makes sense that I turn to Him.
It is then I realize something.
Is my self worth based on what others think, or what I feel?
And then I think, in a relationship with other people,
undoubtedly what we do in it is related
to what we perceive the other’s expectations are.
Is this sound?
Are we being too giving?
Do we ultimately do what we want to do,
or what we think is required of us?
As for our relationship with God, someone brought up this point that
it is not a parallel between that and our relationship with other humans.
I think that is a good point.
The rational me tried to reason this out and
I realize I am comfortable with agreeing with that.
With another human, we both have expectations of each other
and we are not afraid to let the other know when they fall short of what we want. We also fear being on the receiving end of that,
when we know we have fallen short of what others expect from us,
of what we should be capable of.
With God, yes no doubt he has a plan for me.
We do have expectations of each other.
However, I believe too that it is true that
God knows me better than I do myself,
and that whatever He believes that I can do,
I am able to.
I might not be able to see that now,
but I believe in his foresight.
And when I fall short of what He wants from me now,
I know that I do not have to feel lousy and bad.
I do not have to feel guilty, or should I?
I think I had been taking Him for granted for a long time.
Maybe its really time that I try to start
to start giving in this relationship,
instead of just taking and taking when I need.
I wanna go home for good this time
2/25/2006 02:17:00 AM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Pls click the following link and do this for me:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=cyn-cerely
Guess this will help me know better what others think of me;
Since sometimes, I don't know what to think of myself either.
Tuition
I am still happy with my student in Kim Tian;
As for the N level kid near my place,
its just confirmed that I am giving her up after the first month.
Which makes my last lesson with her next Tuesday
*I don't know how to broach it to her man.*
Got to speak to the student's mom first;
But am really hoping to pass the job to Kah Suan.
She is super nice to agree to split the agent's fees with me.
I guess although part of me is not really happy abt the loss in income;
Its time for me to move on.
The problem with me, I guess..
Is that many a times,
I do know what I want to do.
But simply because I tend to waver,
(As told to me by someone)
I often tend to procrasinate
And postpone the things that I want to do.
Justification?
That way I have more time to think
& be certain that the things i do
Are the things I really want to do.
But the truth?
I am just wishy-washy.
Take the kid for example,
I have been thinking of giving up since the 3rd lesson.
Deep down I know that I do not provide the solutions she need
And I am not suitable.
But I just hung on;
Hoping that things can improve.
Same goes for another part of my life.
I chose to hung on.. status quo;
Hoping that things will improve;
Or that a solution will fall into my lap.
Sadly, thats not how life works.
I had to take action ultimately.
By then, things already developed to another different situation already.
Is it true then?
That "Better Late than Never?"
2/22/2006 03:18:00 AM
Monday, February 20, 2006
Made the right decision.
I know people would just say "follow your heart"
What if my heart was confused?
What if my heart doesn't know how to lead?
How am I then suppose to follow it?
I really hope I did the right thing.
I know.. sometimes its not about doing the right thing;
Its about doing what I want.
But that's what I want.
To do the right thing.
2/20/2006 08:20:00 PM
Monday, February 13, 2006
Yesterday was Huiyi's Bday..
The first in our year to turn 21!
So she had a chalet,
Aloha Loyang is pretty great..
Compared to the other chalets in SG.
There are like 4 rooms;
1 living room; 1 kitchen.
Pretty big and airy =]
So anyway.. we caught the 1515 shuttle bus;
Huiyi was like all made-up
and waiting for us.
We were shown the room that she had kept for us;
And i got her to show me around..
While Jorin wrote her card =]
*Talk about distracting!
So yea.. we played bridge for awhile..
Cos even though there were 4 of us,
2 din know mahjong.
Jorin did not want to learn;
And Huiyi can't be taught..
Cos her parents were there =P
BTW, the mahjong ain provided by Aloha.
Jorin brought it all the way
from Bishan to Pasir Ris. *wow*
And she even brought mahjong paper for us.
Hee.. thanks alot gal!
Always so thorough with logistics =]
Somemore its just for us.
So ya.. when Penny came,
We played mahjong with thy's friend Daniel.
Played straight through til 6 plus.
I was pretty lucky in my tiles;
Won a number of rounds even.
Pity there was no money involved yesterday though! =p
Then i gave up my seat to Yumin,
Who was staring daggers at me..
And even to the extent of asking me
"How long have you been playing ah, Cynthia?"
Talk about mahjong addicts! =p
Anyway.. so ya.. we played straight up to dinner
And then we resumed right after that!
With elly and nydia attempting to learn the game =]
We finally stopped for babe's cake cutting;
It was such a pretty pink key cake
Mango-flavoured =]
We then decided to keep the tiles
Since we had been at it the whole day.
I honestly thought that we are done with it.
Apparently.. it was otherwise =]
We went to the room..
Attempted to play card games.
It was after 3 round of a**hole taidi..
That we decided to revert back to mahjong playing.
Not wanting to go out of the room then,
Guess what we did..
We played mahjong using the bed
*Faint*
And here are the photos:
So as one of my yearmates commented
"we are really hardcore players" =]
So far.. we have played quiet midnight mahjong;
mahjong on the bed..
What next?
Ideas anyone?
2/13/2006 02:25:00 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Ashimi loved her mom very much.
Her mum, being a busy professional, had little time for her.
Although the two of them had plenty of communication via webcam, and the phone
They rarely had time together in a physical being.
Ashimi barely saw her mom in person.
One day, Ashimi got an important role in a play
She wanted very much for her mom to be there watching her in the audience.
She knew that it was highly impossible.
Her mom's time was like money.
Each hour was valued against thousands of dollars
Yet hoping against hope she asked..
"Mom, will you be coming?"
"Honey, I am sorry but I don't think i am going.
My boss would want me to work;
And I also think that its best this way."
Ashimi's dim ray of hope was snuffed out
Her heart sank....
What was her value in her mom's eyes?
Imcomparable to the work?
To the numerical amount of money?..
What would Ashimi give.. to have an hour of her presence?..
Familar refrain ?
2/09/2006 09:34:00 PM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
so unless you really want to know about my love personality,
It is unlikely that you wun just skim through. =]
Love Test Report
Cynthia, when you're in love, you're an Idealistic Romantic. Approximately 28% of people share this type with you.
Happily ever after," may be the three words that you enjoy dreaming about, — next to "I love you," of course. As an idealistic romantic, you likely have your share of idealistic dreams for the future, especially when it comes to imaging your perfect partner. As a skilled socializer who knows how to make the people in your life feel special, you're apt to have your eye out for someone who can do the same.
The rituals of romance are important to you, so someone who doesn't appreciate the value of things like red roses and candlelight dinners probably won't hold your interest for very long. However, you're not just looking for a thoughtful date. You seek a deeper emotional bond. Once you find that special love, you'll probably be the first to declare that you're head-over-heels rather than hold back your emotions. After all, what good is being in love if you can't share it?
********
The 7 core personality dimensions that determined your type
Your love personality type is a composite of seven personality dimensions. Together they make up your love personality type, and individually they offer insight about particular aspects of how you look at the world and those around you.
Be aware that some people with the same personality type will have different dimension scores. Only by looking at both someone's type and dimensions can you get the full picture of who they are.
****************
Dimension #1: Down-to-earth versus Dreamy
Individuals high on the dreamy scale include those people who would choose the bubbles of champagne over a glass of wine simply because it seemed a more romantic gesture. Highly dreamy people tend to see the magic in life. They may also actively seek out ways to make their love relationships special so that each day becomes an occasion.
People who are more down-to earth prefer life's everyday moments to grand gestures that seem over-the-top. They are realists who aren't easily swayed by styling or symbolism. For the most part, down-to-earth people would rather avoid glossy exteriors to get closer to what's on the inside. This tendency typically holds true across the board — in their friendships, in professional life, and in love.
Compared with others, your score weighed more heavily on the dreamy end of the scale. This result indicates that you have a more idealized way of seeing life than many people do. At times, your talent for imbuing the things around you with fantasy and romance gives you an air of elegance and wonder that others can be drawn to. In love, you know how to lavish special attention on the object of your affection and appreciate others who can reciprocate. Typically, romantic gestures aren't lost on you. On the contrary, you're usually one of those people who can really appreciate the magic of a well-timed kiss or a moonlight stroll. Dreamy types like you can be experts when it comes to courting. Just make sure that once you've found that special relationship you don't fall into the trap of thinking it's going to be just like it is in the movies. Once the two of you have walked off into the sunset, making your love last will still take some work. However, with your talent for keeping romance in bloom, you appear to be the perfect person for the job.
****************
Dimension #2: Easygoing versus Particular
Highly particular people tend to strive for perfection in whatever they do. They also tend to have refined, and at times expensive, tastes. Appearance can be important to particular types, so taking care of themselves is often a high priority.
Easygoing people, on the other hand, don't tend to place a lot of importance on appearances. "Keeping up with the Joneses," whether in beauty, fashion, or possessions, isn't typically a top priority for easygoing types. They tend to be more impressed by things that have little to do with life's trappings.
In your case, you scored on the more easy-going end of the continuum compared with others who took the test. This indicates that you generally aren't too worried about having a place for everything and everything in its place. On the contrary, most times you tend to think it's more important to just be who you are and take life as it comes. So if your slacks aren't pressed or you're having a bad hair day, it's not likely to throw you for a loop. Instead, you're one of those people who seems to know that there are more important things than your appearance. You're also not the type to be awed by power or celebrity. In fact, if you saw your favorite actor in the supermarket, you'd probably simply smile and say hello rather than clamoring for an autograph. The people in your life likely see this laid back nature and appreciate that you're willing to take them as they are. The ease you often possess can be an attractive force; it makes have a you calming presence to those you are near.
****************
Dimension #3: Humble versus Self-possessed
People who score highly on being self-possessed are generally confident types who believe strongly in their abilities. This feeling may translate into a sense of pride in their level of physical fitness, a sense of assurance about their intellectual abilities, or a high regard for their sexual prowess. Highly self-possessed people often have a charisma and energy that makes them the center of attention.
Individuals who score more highly on the humble end of the scale are typically grounded people who would usually prefer to go unnoticed rather than make a big fuss. So instead of trumpeting their achievements to others, humble types will often opt to celebrate their successes in private. People who are highly humble also tend to be humanists who see others as equals, rather than feeling superior to anyone.
Compared with others, you scored on the more grounded end of the continuum of humility. This means that you're not likely to go around boasting to others about your abilities or worth. Your humility is the stronger virtue. You can possess a kind of quiet strength that doesn't need to be voiced. It simply is. You're one of those people that others probably describe as "the salt of the Earth," because you're likely to appreciate and recognize others rather than put yourself first. This humble quality that you embody can actually help you when you need to make tough decisions. Unencumbered by arrogance, you're likely to see a situation for what it is and make choices accordingly, rather than being impulsive or unduly confident.
In love, being humble can sometimes make you seem more genuine to others, because it's obvious that you're not all about self-aggrandizement and flash. You're just yourself. While this quiet nature of yours is an admirable thing, remember that it's okay to toot your own horn once and a while. Feeling good about yourself isn't the same thing as feeling superior to others. For people like you, the trick is to be humble while still truly loving yourself for who you are.
****************
Dimension #4: Pampered versus Rugged
Those who scored as more rugged are outdoorsy types who generally enjoy being out in nature. They're also individuals who are willing to take risks and get a little dirty in order to have some fun. For highly rugged people, the world is their playground as well as their sanctuary.
Individuals who are more pampered include people who appreciate the many creature comforts associated with civilization. Pampered types typically prefer that their recreation be of the indoor variety.
Your results show that compared to other people who took the test, you fall on the more pampered side of the line. This suggests that while you probably aren't opposed to a little fresh air and sunshine, you tend to prefer the kind of relaxation that only indoor activities can offer. Whether you're shopping in a mall, sitting in a theatre, or relaxing at home with a good book, you appreciate the ease of being inside. Pampered types like you will take a massage and a good meal over a hike and campfire almost any day of the week. Facing the elements typically isn't your idea of a good time. In love, it will be important to find a partner who also likes this brand of leisure. If not on the same level as you, at least enough so you can share the kinds of experiences that you value.
****************
Dimension #5: Emotional versus Rational
Those who scored high on the rational scale are people who can usually take a step back during a heated situation in order to think out how best to respond. When provoked, their level-headedness makes them more likely to step back from an argument rather than fan the flames. Rational types are also typically strong thinkers who enjoy working through challenging problems to find a solution.
Those who scored more highly on the emotional scale tend to respond to intense situations by expressing their feelings as they have them. In this way, emotional people can sometimes come across as being either intense or impulsive. On the positive side, people who are highly emotional tend to be more direct than their rational counterparts and can be good about confronting issues in order to clear the air.
Compared with others, your results indicate that you're more emotional than many people who took the test. This means that you have an easier time accessing your emotions than most do. Understanding what you feel is a great gift. By trusting your emotions, you can lead yourself to decisions that feel right for you. Oftentimes, this represents a special kind of intuition. The only times that using your emotions becomes a potential drawback is when a situation becomes very intense. At times like that, there's a chance of losing your perspective. The real trick is to learn how to observe your emotions and process them in a way that helps you make good choices.
Another trait most emotional types have in common is that they usually aren't afraid to let others know what's going on inside of you. Showing emotion can be a brave thing. Indeed this kind of sharing can build the intimacy and trust that great loves are founded on.
****************
Dimension #6: Independent versus Connected
People who are highly connected tend to make their relationships with others a priority. They keep in close touch with family and friends when they can and are usually softhearted, empathic people.
Highly independent people tend to be less open with those around them than their connected counterparts. They typically enjoy having time to themselves. Independent types are apt to search for meaning in ideas, things, or particular experiences more often than in their relationships. As a result, they can be at their best whether they're in a relationship or flying solo.
Compared with the other people who took this test, your score weighed more heavily on the realistic independent end of the scale. This means that although you surely appreciate the presence of others in your life, you're often your own best companion. In fact, there are certain things that you probably prefer to do alone, even if you don't have to. Whether you enjoy taking yourself to a movie now and then or simply for a quiet drive, you seem to be one of those people who understand that quality time doesn't always have to mean social time. So while you likely appreciate the chance to socialize with friends and family, you're apt to covet your down time as well.
When it comes to relationships, you're not usually one to dive right in with your heart on your sleeve. Instead, you're more likely to hold back a bit and open up to the new romance more slowly. This kind of distance may simply feel safer. However, once you let yourself fall deeply in love, you can develop as close and real a bond as anyone out there.
****************
Dimension #7: Modern versus Traditional
People who are more traditional tend to carry those feelings over into their search for love. For example, traditional types tend to believe that when a man and a woman go on a date, the man should pay. They're also likely to feel that red roses are the perfect gift for a first date and that idealistic weddings are the only way to go. For someone who is traditional, tried-and-true rituals are important to uphold.
People who are more modern are likely to hold a contrary opinion. For one, they'll often feel that people on a date should split the bill. They may also think that a Vegas wedding is just as good as a church service. It all depends on the people involved and what feels special to them. In addition, modern types tend to believe in equality in relationships and seek true respect from their significant others.
Your score on the Love Test shows that you're less traditional than many other people who took it. This means that when it comes to love, you're more likely to go with what you feel in a given situation, rather than follow an established tradition. This is especially true in the beginning of a relationship. So in the early days of love, you're as apt to hold the door for your date as they are to hold it for you. After all, you probably figure that common courtesy is a valuable trait in a man or a woman. It's not gender-specific. Conforming to idealistic roles during courtship typically isn't your forte, so if your date expects you to act by these standards, you might find yourself losing interest. However, don't be surprised if when you know this person better you find yourself drifting into a more conventional pattern on your own. Sometimes it just happens. However, in your case, assuming such a role wouldn't be so much a personal judgment as it would be a preference. As long as you're living in accordance with your values, whether behavior is traditional or not doesn't really matter.
****************
I am compatible with:
When it's all said and done, much of compatibility comes down to that X factor known as chemistry. However, by knowing the love personality types that are the closest fit with your own, you're much more likely to know a good thing when you see it. Also, understanding your compatible types can give you new insight to why certain people you meet just don't seem to match up. Realize that most relationship problems can be fixed — so you're far from doomed if your types aren't a perfect match. Instead, think of the information as a mechanism to learn more about yourself and your romantic life.
Although the old adage tells us that "opposites attract," generally, research indicates otherwise. In fact, studies show that opposites don't attract; similar people do. So the type that you're apt to be most compatible with is actually your own: the Idealistic Romantic. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule. However the dimensions measured in this test focus on attitudes and behaviors that, when matched between two people, increase probability of having a compatible relationship.
When looking for a match, the type that is the next most compatible to your own is Independent Spirit.
If independent spirits had a theme song, it would probably be "Don't Box Me In." Independent spirits typically aren't fond of being crowded. On the contrary, they appreciate having the space to do their own thing and don't often feel swayed by what others are up to. They're not the type who typically feels the need to hang out at the "cool" clubs or sample the latest restaurants. In fact, they may not even know the latest buzz about those things, since those things really aren't important to them.
They probably prefer to come up with their own ideas of places to go and people to spend time with. Others are naturally drawn to their sense of creativity and the mystery that surrounds their lives. Sometimes, independent spirits will treasure the company of others, but only if those people aren't super-dependent types who want to be with them all the time. Finding a like-minded spirit, someone who prizes their independence as much as they do, will probably bring them and their mate the most happiness.
You should also look for a Prized Partner when scouting out romance; that's the second most compatible type to your own.
They appreciate the finer things in life and tend to seek out others who share their refined tastes. High fashion, gourmet meals, luxurious getaways — these are the kinds of things that prized partners enjoy. If they can experience them with a worldly, stylish mate, it's all the better.
They are drawn to people who know how to take care of themselves and are hooked in socially. Whether they're out at a club or an exclusive restaurant, it's important to them to be part of the scene. However, they aren't just hedonists. On the contrary, they know that the good life comes at a cost. As a result, they've likely set goals that will help them live it. Because they have higher ambition than most people do, it will be best for them to find a partner who values their drive to succeed and can share in their dreams for the future. That way they can make it to the top together.
****************
Who isn't a good match for you?
The type opposite to yours is Steady Mate. Steady mates are the kind of romantic partners that others will want to lean on in times of distress. This is true because their logical minds allow them to remain cool-headed during a crisis. This quality can make them seem a bit heroic at times. And for that reason, mates who value their calm, rational nature will make a great match.
They need someone who won't expect them to be overly softhearted or to express their feelings all the time. Their mates should know that just because they don't always express their emotions, it doesn't mean that they don't care. On the contrary, they'll always value the quality of the connections between them and the people they care about. Because of this fact, it will be important for them to find a romantic partner who knows how to care about a relationship and put some effort into it. Once they find a person like that, they can live life to the fullest.
****************
How love can change me: (or attempt to)
Love can turn your world a little upside down, so it's not so surprising that being in a relationship may sometimes result in changes to your personality. Even psychologists agree that love can alter people's behavior and influence which personality attribute you display.
Part of the reason love can bring about this kind of transformation is that in a romantic relationship, people tend to let down their guard. It's the disarming aspect of close relationships that gets us to be our real selves — a complex mixture of the best and the worst that we each can be.
As a result, in love, certain aspects of personality usually hidden from view can come forth in ways that aren't always very positive. During stressful periods in a relationship, or even in good times, you may find yourself reverting to old negative patterns of behavior or expressing your least favorable traits. Dynamics from your childhood or experiences with past lovers can all come to the surface, so that suddenly you're dealing with a lot more than just what's in front of you.
The best way to combat this tendency is to take a step back whenever you feel yourself beginning to act out old emotions or behaving in a way that could be harmful to your relationship. By grounding yourself and making sure you are truly present, you can gain perspective on your situation. Ask yourself what you're thinking and feeling to see if it's an accurate reflection of what's happening in that moment. If you find yourself overreacting or reacting based on the past, you can make changes to behave in the way that feels best to you and most truly represents your best self.
Realize that attraction, an integral element of romantic love, can make your body react in physical ways to your thoughts and surroundings. In this way, attraction can have the effect of a stimulant or generate the same physical sensations that in other environments would be considered excitement, fear, or stress. When in a heightened state like that, it's much easier to act in ways that you later can reflect on and wonder, "What was I thinking?" So take heed of attraction's power.
In addition to these factors, given your love personality type, there are certain issues that are more likely to come up for you when you're in a romantic relationship.
As an idealistic romantic you have the potential complication of seeing your relationship as you want it to be, rather than how it really is. On the positive side, having ideals and dreams of what you want can help you increase the chances of creating a positive future. However, it can sometimes keep you from accepting a less-than-perfect relationship with another person.
As a result, you may sometimes project your fantasies of the perfect mate onto your real life partner without realizing it. This creates expectations that can be extremely difficult for your mate to live up to. Also, because of your dreamy nature, at times you may have a tendency to ignore the ways that your partner falls short of this image you've created. By idealizing your relationship this way, you can begin to feel that your partner is the answer to your problems. You may even feel that without them, your world simply cannot be complete. These kinds of beliefs simply are not true. You are complete and wonderful with or without your partner. Try to remember that everyone has good points and bad points and that no relationship is perfect — even yours. By staying focused on both sides of your relationship, you're more likely to retain your own belief in yourself and your value. This sense of security will make for a happier relationship all the way around.
****************
Footnote: While I think the test is very accurate;
I do not necessarily believe in the compatibility part.
Conclusion?
Independent Spirits may not qualify;
And steady mates can still apply =]
2/08/2006 01:52:00 PM
Dreams
To be out and open
Independence
To be totally Christ-like
I believe that:
Courage is not an absence of fear
but the willingness to face up to the circumstances in spite of the fear.
Desires
A Pair of Pretty Sandals!
CPA! Achieved!
Investment Guru
dislikes
creepy crawly "things"
Unnecessary politics
Goals
get driving license
start my own business
to create my own hedge fund
older memories
my past journey