yet another day of memories...
I am supposed to think about what I want
From a relationship,
And whether or not you can give it to me
But i can't help thinking
The other way
About what you want,
And what I definitely cant give
The sense of defeat & pain I feel
Overwhelms me.
Am I that terrible?
Or is it just that we cannot compromise?
I know what I want;
That you can give.
Companionship,
Security & love
But what I really want is this:
A sense of wellness
Of being able to treat myself well;
Of being able to love myself
For who I am,
And be edified by you in doing so.
To be respected for what I am doing
And be given the freedom to do the things I wanna do
I don't expect you to fit my timetable;
But i don't want to fit yours intentionally either.
I don't want to have to manage my time around you;
I want us both to have a personal space;
And be comfortable in giving each other that.
I don't want emotional guilt when I do things
Not the way you want me to.
I want to be loved for who i am;
And do things willingly,
Not be coerced into it.
I know I am selfish
& that Love is not supposed to be selfish
But apart from loving you,
I also want to love myself
And i really dunno
If i am really alright
With loving you
@ the expense of myself
11/13/2005 07:15:00 PM
Dreams
To be out and open
Independence
To be totally Christ-like
I believe that:
Courage is not an absence of fear
but the willingness to face up to the circumstances in spite of the fear.
Desires
A Pair of Pretty Sandals!
CPA! Achieved!
Investment Guru
dislikes
creepy crawly "things"
Unnecessary politics
Goals
get driving license
start my own business
to create my own hedge fund
older memories
my past journey